I’ve seen a tonne of people-pleasers in my therapy practice over the years. But more often than not, pleasing others wasn’t their main problem; rather, it was only a symptom of a bigger problem. Many people-pleasers conflate generosity with pleasing others. They use phrases like “I don’t want to seem selfish” or “I simply want to be a decent person” when expressing their hesitation to refuse someone’s request for a favor. As a result, they let others exploit them.
It’s difficult to stop the practice of pleasing others, which may lead to major issues. Ten warning indications that you could be working too hard to satisfy everyone are listed below:
- You pretend to agree with everyone.
Even when you disagree, listening to others’ perspectives with respect is a valuable social skill. However, appearing to concur only to win someone over might lead you to act contrary to your moral principles.
- You feel responsible for how other people feel.
It’s important to be aware of how your actions affect other people. But it’s problematic to believe that you can make someone happy. Each person is responsible for managing their own emotions.
- You apologize often.
Frequent apologies may indicate a deeper issue, whether you overly blame yourself or worry that others are continually criticizing you. You don’t need to feel bad about who you are.
- You feel burdened by the things you have to do.
You have control over how you use your time. However, if you try to please others, there’s a good chance that your schedule is packed with things you believe others want you to do.
- You can’t say no.
You won’t succeed if you cannot stand up for yourself, regardless of whether you agree and then keep your word or if you pretend to be unwell to break your obligations.
- You feel uncomfortable if someone is angry at you.
It doesn’t always imply you did anything wrong just because someone is angry with you. But you’ll be more inclined to compromise your morals if you can’t take the idea of someone being angry with you.
- You act like the people around you.
It’s common for various aspects of your personality to be shown by different individuals. But people-pleasers often undermine their objectives. According to studies, people-pleasers will act in ways that are harmful to themselves in the hopes of making others feel more at ease in social settings. For instance, people-pleasers tend to overeat when they believe it would please others.
- You need praise to feel good.
Anyone may feel good after receiving compliments or nice words, but people-pleasers want approval. If you base your whole sense of value on what other people think of you, you’ll only feel good about yourself when they commend you.
- You go to great lengths to avoid conflict.
Not wanting to start a fight is one thing. But if you try to avoid confrontation at all costs, you’ll find it difficult to defend the causes and people you genuinely care about.
- You don’t admit when your feelings are hurt.
Without being prepared to speak out sometimes and express when your emotions are hurt, it is impossible to build genuine connections with other people. Even when you are emotionally hurt, maintaining a relationship on the surface requires denying your feelings of anger, sadness, embarrassment, or disappointment.
How to Break Free From People-Pleasing
Although it’s crucial to make an impression on your supervisor and demonstrate your conciliatory nature, being submissive might backfire. If you attempt to please everyone, you’ll never live up to your full potential.
Saying no to anything simple can help you break the habit of pleasing other people. Give your viewpoint on a straightforward issue. Alternately, stand up for what you stand for. Taking action can boost your self-confidence and enable you to be more authentic.
You should get assistance if you’re having trouble quitting these behaviors. A therapist may assist you in developing the mental fortitude required to design the life you want.
